Just a few years back,
I was the last person to think that psychologically handling retirement could
be a challenge. For me, it was a non-issue and talking about it seemed a waste
of time. How could you feel bad being on vacation all the time?
Now with a couple
leaves of absence under my belt, I must admit that to my complete surprise, my
mental wellbeing has been somewhat put to the test. A lot more than expected
because to be honest, I anticipated zilch, nothing, no problem at all. With
experience, I now know better. It’s kind of ironic because many know me as the
one that plans everything. But I did not plan what may be considered obvious.
I have to confess it
has been much more trying than I thought. Again, during this year’s extended
time off, I mostly battled with guilt and having too much time to think. It may
appear silly but, choosing what to do with all that free time can become a
burden. You probably won’t feel sorry for me and I know, another great problem
to have…
More than the fact that it will help me cope and process it, I hope talking about all of it may also help some of you. At some point in your life, there’s a good chance you will have a lot of time on your hands, to the least, when your retirement days come by. So, please don’t be too casual about it like I did and try to think and prepare for it at least just a little. Let’s get right to it!
Feeling Guilty About Not Doing Enough
Many times, guilt
invades me while I stay home, sometimes even in bed and my spouse is getting to
work early, so early. I know she loves and is devoted to her work. I know I am
doing a lot at home to make her life easier. I know I often stay up late and
try to make sure everything will be OK…
Still, some mornings or
even during sleep-reduced nights, I think I may not be doing enough. Before I
managed to get control over it, those guilty thoughts came to me over and over.
They usually get more intense a couple weeks after I stop working. It’s less
frequent these days but I still get these guilty-filled moments every now and
then.
In the same sense, I
also was feeling guilty about enjoying life while so many are struggling so
much. If I don’t make the most of it, it’s like I’m wasting what’s most
valuable and what most people don’t have: precious time.
Sometimes, it can be
tough when people ask me questions about all that time off. Despite the fact I
managed so well and because I presently don’t work, to some of them, it’s like
I’m not contributing enough and it’s not acceptable in our Society. I often get
asked what I do during my days. It’s curious because they would never ask about
my weekends when I used to work.
I suspect some of them
are jealous but, protect themselves by disapproving. I rarely get open and
direct comments but a lot of insisting questions with awkward looks and smiles.
My harsh interpretation of it all is probably somewhat tainted by my own
guilty-filled spirits.
A few curious ones
inquire on how I achieved it. They primarily question about money matters or
the technicalities of taking a leave. Despite a few sparks in their eyes,
sadly, most of them won’t change anything to get to it. To my knowledge, none
of them took a leave so far. Maybe I’m not that inspiring. Out of about a
thousand employees, only a handful are taking or even considering a leave of
absence. And probably all those few lucky ones were already doing it before me.
Changing mentalities
takes time so we must remain patient. We still have a sense that the upcoming
generation may not be willing to go all-in on work and work all the time. Let’s
hope they can get accommodating conditions and realize at least some of their
aspirations in a not so distant future.
Let’s get back to my
guilty frame of mind and how I manage, partially at least, to cope with it.
It may sound strange
but sometimes, it’s easy to feel guilty about doing more of what you like.
Other times, you can feel guilty about not doing more for others. But like anything,
you’ve got to find some balance in all of that.
You’ve worked hard or
at least, you’ve thought hard, so you’ve earned all that extra time. Feel free
to enjoy and cherish it. Accept that, time to and for yourself, is permitted. Some
of you are already enlighten and thrive by it, but those like me that don’t
should remember to experience and acknowledge that time with and for others can
also be quite fulfilling.
In the end, not doing
something all the time is not a crime. You’ve earned the right to more quality
of life. Even if others may think you are crazy, don.t hesitate to admit you
are struggling and not necessarily having fun or doing something helpful all
the time. You also are not obligated to tell everyone like I’m doing now in
this blog post. Confiding in at least one trustworthy person may just be what
you mean to get thru it all. And please don’t hesitate to get additional help
in you need to.
Free-Time Mode Triggers Troubled Inspiration
Inspiration often gets
to you with awkward timing. You’ll have plenty of it when you are busy doing
something else or even trying to sleep. But you’ll get into the blank page or
the more modern blank screen syndrome when you are actually dedicating time to
writing. It’s funny how you get no inspiration when you are alone to write and
lots of it when you are busy with others.
From experience, more
available time won’t necessarily mean better inspiration. You’ll still get the
blank screen woes when you have a lot of time and especially too big
objectives. For instance, you probably won’t get anywhere when you envision
writing a hundred pages at a time.
But most of the time,
free-time mode will translate into too much inspiration. You’ll get hit by an
overflow of disorganized thoughts. In my case, I often was overwhelmed by new
ideas in the last few months, sometimes even losing sleep over it. Luckily for
me, a little extra sleep in the morning or afternoon naps are available
options. In some way, it can be very exhilarating but also, somewhat
disturbing. You have to learn to cope with all that effervescent information
and somehow tame your mind.
In those instances,
having a system to sort ideas out is crucial. You have to be careful that
noting a few emerging ideas doesn’t transform into an all-night writing
session. You can deal with inspirational spurs by briefly recording brut ideas
and polish them afterwards. You still have to make sure you don’t lose particularly
good phrasing or wording in the process.
Using shorter or
intermediate objectives you can attain more easily can help. For us, writing
about 12 lines each day works like a charm. With more free time, simultaneously
tackling two or three writing projects becomes feasible.
Having Flexible Plans
Even if you have extra
time and money, you’ll soon realize that many of your activities depend on
other factors. For instance, our plans often depend on the weather. We don’t
know about your corner of the world but ours can be quite volatile and unpredictable.
If often looks like our local meteorologists have flunk their course. Or maybe
it’s just the actual limit of science.
Your plans also depend
a lot on the availability of others. Even if you have all the time in the
world, it doesn’t mean significant people in your life also have it too. In
many ways, you’ll have to adapt to their schedule for your common activities.
Time is a very precious and rare commodity not necessarily available to
everyone. Sometimes, it can be ridiculous how some people won’t even find time
for you to help them. So, remain patient and adopt flexible plans.
I didn’t realize this
before, but despite a not so productive work environment, a fairy rigid work context
still allowed to get some things done or to get somewhere. In the end, you have
to sit at your desk for the better part of the day and superiors can always
compel uncooperative co-workers to at least get into some meetings. Dealing
with people outside strict work settings and being on extended vacation mode is
an entirely different ball game. Getting anything done can become quite a
hassle. Another aspect of retirement life you’ll have to adapt to.
If possible, we try to
avoid getting groceries or shopping on the weekends or at night. So, if you
have time, please do your shopping when stores are less busy. Don’t become like
one of those seniors that always seem in the way when the stores are so
crowded. Find another way to meet people.
For us, children always
had and have to be a priority. In fact, they are the priority. Even if you have
more free time from work, you still have to adapt you plans to your children’s
and grandchildren’s needs. Again, flexibility is a key here. In a sense, all
things should evolve around our children. So, maybe golfing 36 holes every day
like you always dreamed to won’t be possible. Your body may not even be able to
follow anyway.
Lending a helping hand
to other parents can also be very gratifying. Just make sure all your spare
time doesn’t turn out into a free taxi business for the entire neighbourhood. Most
young family especially lack time, money and experience. Maybe younger busy
parents in our extended family could use some of yours. Helping out my wife’s
cousin with her three young vivid girls has been quite an experience in the
last few months
Speaking of wives, consider
that having you at home all the time may cause some frictions with her. Some of
you may go through a repair-everything-at-home phase. An even if she loves you,
you may get into the dreaded you-are-always-in-my-way or you-are-always-there
phase.
By nature, I always
have been more solitary. It’s strange that it’s now Lady N that requests more
alone time. Again, the secret may be to talk it out and balance your time
together. Another free-time hurdle that you should navigate through with your
life partner.
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